Recently realised that I don’t think I am meant to “fit in” I guess if you ever feel like you don’t really fit in somewhere, it’s time to create the space for you to be yourself in instead of fitting into spaces that you have outgrown, or spaces that just aren’t meant for you to “fit Into” in the first place. it’s pretty scary coming to this realisation, because you are reminded that you are now an adult and you have to make adult decisions and that those decisions are yours to figure out. However you don’t have to make these adult decisions alone.
As humans it is pretty normal to want to “fit in”, it is a way to connect with others, feel a sense of belonging and it can help us to feel secure. So it is totally understandable why it can have such an impact on our lives and how we view and value ourselves when we do not “fit in”. Unlearning the things we think and believe about ourselves is a whole process, it takes work and that work can be uncomfortable as we often have to revisit the source, the memories and experiences we would rather forget.
So you have now come to the point where you realise you weren’t meant to fit in, now what? Now we have to put the pieces together in order to create our own spaces to thrive in. However we are torn between wanting to be seen and heard because you know you have something valuable to share, but negative past experiences have made you hesitant to stand out. You have found comfort and safety in blending into the background, in order to avoid people being able to draw their attention to your insecurities, the imposter syndrome and your doubts about your ability to create and thrive in your own space.
Speaking with my therapist I was reminded that the bulling and negative comments I had experienced when I was younger made me feel like it was safer to hide, blend into the background as an attempt to fit in was a way to protect myself and to avoid these experiences repeating themselves. However in the process it has made it difficult for me to know who I am, to accept that I am not meant to fit in, not in the way I have been thinking about at least.
At this point you might need to sit with yourself and ask those uncomfortable questions. Is it that you don’t “fit in” or is that you have outgrown that space? Why do you want to “fit into” the space? Can you grow in this space? Are you scared of what you could achieve if you stand out? Is it the fear of failure that is keeping you from stepping out of the mold? Is it the self doubt, the inner critique?
By honestly answering these questions you are practicing being in tune with yourself, practicing trusting yourself and believing that you know what is best for yourself. Sometimes you are the sign you need to help make the important and scary decisions.
Creating Your Own Space
Do you know that you can do more, be more, shine brighter, be happier? Yeah me too, and it can almost feel like you are being ungrateful or big headed, especially when you have experienced being put down and that for whatever reason we have convinced ourselves that we aren’t allowed to experience moments of happiness, comfort, joy, certainty, security etc. As hopeful and positive as I try to be, life often reminds us why we had doubts in the first place.
All that time spent not quite fitting in was time spent unconsciously preparing you for the moment you realised you didn’t need to fit in, you needed to stand out and take the lead. It is scary thinking about creating your own space, it’s new territory and you have to then play all of the roles as the creator of the space where you fit in perfectly.
During those difficult times when all you wanted was to feel a sense of belonging you was making mental notes, you was thinking about how you would have done things differently if you was in that person’s position, well I guess it’s time to revisit those notes and see what it is you can do now for your own space where you know without a doubt that you will fit in, because you created the space.
So why don’t you fit in? Well because you aren’t supposed to fit in, you was meant to use your experiences to create the space where you can lead and have everyone involved know without a doubt that this is where they are meant to be.