Love Languages & How We Show Ourselves Love

I have known about the five love languages for some time now. However, it wasn’t until I went to therapy that I realised just how important those love languages were, and not only for our relationships with others but most importantly the relationship we have with ourselves.

Have you ever wondered why certain self-care practices work better for you than others? It could be because some of those acts of self appreciation and self love are more linked to your top love languages.

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What Are The Five Love Languages?

Relationships grow better when we understand each other.” – 5 Love Languages

This goes for the relationship we have with ourselves. The better we understand ourselves and how we give and receive love to others and ourselves, we can begin to love ourselves in a way that is best for us.

Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Words of Affirmations, Physical Touch, and Acts of Service are the 5 ways we give and receive love.

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How Does Love Languages & Self Love Work?

Quality Time

Spending quality time with yourself is important for everyone, some find it easier than others to spend quality time with themselves. Sometimes spending that quality time with ourselves whether we are just reading, or journaling. We can find ourselves in moments of silence and stillness that can encourage those negative self critical thoughts to creep up on us and it is very uncomfortable to sit in those moments.

Be mindful of where those thoughts are coming from, are they true? are they productive thoughts? if the answers are no, then find some ways of challenging those thoughts. Try methods like positive affirmations to erase those false, counterproductive, and negative thoughts.

Receiving Gifts

In one way or another we all like to receive gifts, it could be a handmade gift from your children, your favourite flowers after a long day at work, or a ticket for your dream holiday. The gift represents a form of appreciation, this does not mean any gift will do. The gift has to be meaningful, it has to mean something and be well thought out.

By asking yourself what you need right now, you can give yourself a gift by fulfilling those needs with a gift from you to you. You need 20 minutes to yourself to do some yoga, give yourself the gift of prioritising that time for yourself, and buying a yoga mat to make the whole experience better.

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Words of Affirmations

The words we use are powerful, even more so for the words we use to talk to ourselves. Affirmations take some getting used to, sometimes it takes for you to practice using affirmations often in order to see an improvement in the way we see and think of ourselves. You are basically training your brain to think positive thoughts when you see or think about yourself.

Start your affirmations with “I am” as it is will register in the brain as a full sentence that starts off direct and affirming. Make a list of your favourite qualities, think of the positive things people say about you, even if you question it or don’t fully believe it at the time, make a habit of accepting positive affirmations without doubt.

Physical Touch

This love language speaks to those who feel most appreciated when there is some form of physical contact, this is anything from a hug, holding hands, or sexual intimacy.

Self pleasure can be a way to show yourself some love, you can also go for a hand massage, focusing on your cutitcals or maybe do a skin routine incorpating the 60 seconds rule.

Acts of Service

This Love Lanuage is for those who feel most appreciated by an act of service. This is one I resignated with the most, and the one that inspired this post. It was through acting on the things that I most needed, that I felt most loved, cared for, seen and appreciated. By taking the step towards going to therapy and doing the very things I said I would do that I found myself feeling most present.

Be in service of yourself, especially if you’re someone who takes pleasure in being in service of others or you find yourself constantly in service of others. The greatest thing you can do for yourself is take action, be in service of yourself, tend to your own needs, wants and desires first. 

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Do you think of your love languages when it comes to practicing self care and self love? On my black wellness platform Everyday Queens, I have shared a few suggestions for incorporating love languages into your self care routine.


Listen to Saabirah’s Space, my podcast for bloggers & creatives on all podcast streaming platforms.


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