What I Could Do Vs What I Actually Want To Do

I have been pretty quiet lately, mainly because comparison has been stealing all of my joy and I have had a difficult time shaking it off. I have slightly fallen out of love with instagram as well, the dedication needed to get my page to grow can be exhausting, especially when I’m just trying to use Instagram to be creative and to promote my blog.

Honestly I have just accepted that if I’m not willing to put in the work then I have to accept the slow growth, and that slow growth is better than no growth.

I constantly remind myself that I never started blogging with intentions of being a big time blogger or influencer. Writing a book and being featured in big brand campaigns was never on my mind, I just wanted somewhere to put my thoughts.

With that being said, what is for you will find it’s way to you, three years of blogging and I’ve spoken at events, made an appearance on BBC Three, been invited to numerous events and I’ve been sent more products than I even have room for.


>> Will I Ever be a Full Time Blogger? <<


All great things that I am extremely grateful for, which made it even more difficult for me to figure what I even wanted. It didn’t seem like hard work, I just enjoyed it. When all these great things came my way, along with people telling me I have potential, I thought that meant I had to go for it.

Now that time has passed and I am constantly reading big bloggers speak on their mental health and the constant numbers game, I realised this life isn’t for me. I started to care about my numbers and engagement and that had a terrible effect on my mental health. I wonder if there’s a healthy balance, I wondered what number is enough, I had to ask myself “what is it you actually want to achieve with your platform?“. Which I think is something we should ask ourselves often, note to self.

If I hadn’t experienced these highs and lows I wouldn’t have known that public speaking was something I would become fond of, being in a position to contribute to a conversation and meet like minded people was something I wanted to continue to experience.


>> Shaking Off The “Strong Black Woman” stereotype <<


I had to go through this in order to get to this place where I can say I love writing, I love talking, when my anxiety isn’t being an enemy of progress and I have the ability to empower, inspire and enlighten people. That was never a goal, but now I see that the back and forth was so that I would arrive here and be able to say this is what I actually want to do.

Where I am now, is where I am supposed to be. 

Ask yourself what you can do and then ask yourself what is it you actually want to do. If they align with each other than you’re on the right path, if you find there is a conflict of interests, ask yourself what matters most to you and go from there. This was a bit of a brain dump kind of post, just a lot of what was on my mind but I hope it encourages clarity.

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9 Comments

  1. Great post! I totally get where you are coming from. I recently took a break from instagram also, I was using it to promote my blog and also a few other posts here and there but then I realized that I blog because I want to, I don’t have to be pushing numbers or likes to enjoy what I am doing. I wrote it because it interests me and I like it…if you like it also then great 🙂

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    1. My thoughts exactly I love using Instagram to share my passion for being creative but it can be a crazy place when everyone is constantly talking about a lack of likes and numbers it can make you feel like you should also aspire to want the same but after some time I realized I just like to write so that is what I am going to do. Thank you so much for commenting ❤️

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  2. Instagram has pros and cons. Remember i took a break in September last year, when i came back on it, i didn’t post regular like how i used to before and do less insta stories. Nowadays i just post whatever. Yes it is hard work to post regular too. Try not to watch numbers too much. And there are too many followers that follow to unfollow and fake hair vendors. True people will stick with you

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  3. I really enjoyed this. As a new blogger myself, this began as just a creative outlet but I’m starting to see all the possibilities. With it comes with the numbers games and can be a lot of work so it looks easier said than done and for that I appreciate your honesty. Good read!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh my days! I am glad I bumped to this, just did a post on it too. This was the reason for my blog silence (the balance of having to blog and having a career is a lot). I set myself some HIGH blog expectations and I wasn’t meeting them – this got me DOWN! So I refocused on things that I could achieve my mini goals. This year is very much posting freely on what I am passionate about and very much when I can. However, I am open to guest write. Chasing after people this year …not happening either LOL. My blackness will not crack .

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    1. Love this! I will check out your recent post now. It’s good to refocus ourselves and pay close attention to what we really want to achieve, gotta be realistic with our goals. Tha k you so much for commenting girl 💕

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