I have been pretty quiet lately, mainly because comparison has been stealing all of my joy and I have had a difficult time shaking it off. I have slightly fallen out of love with instagram as well, the dedication needed to get my page to grow can be exhausting, especially when I’m just trying to use Instagram to be creative and to promote my blog.
Honestly I have just accepted that if I’m not willing to put in the work then I have to accept the slow growth, and that slow growth is better than no growth.
I constantly remind myself that I never started blogging with intentions of being a big time blogger or influencer. Writing a book and being featured in big brand campaigns was never on my mind, I just wanted somewhere to put my thoughts.
With that being said, what is for you will find it’s way to you, three years of blogging and I’ve spoken at events, made an appearance on BBC Three, been invited to numerous events and I’ve been sent more products than I even have room for.
All great things that I am extremely grateful for, which made it even more difficult for me to figure what I even wanted. It didn’t seem like hard work, I just enjoyed it. When all these great things came my way, along with people telling me I have potential, I thought that meant I had to go for it.
Now that time has passed and I am constantly reading big bloggers speak on their mental health and the constant numbers game, I realised this life isn’t for me. I started to care about my numbers and engagement and that had a terrible effect on my mental health. I wonder if there’s a healthy balance, I wondered what number is enough, I had to ask myself “what is it you actually want to achieve with your platform?“. Which I think is something we should ask ourselves often, note to self.
If I hadn’t experienced these highs and lows I wouldn’t have known that public speaking was something I would become fond of, being in a position to contribute to a conversation and meet like minded people was something I wanted to continue to experience.
I had to go through this in order to get to this place where I can say I love writing, I love talking, when my anxiety isn’t being an enemy of progress and I have the ability to empower, inspire and enlighten people. That was never a goal, but now I see that the back and forth was so that I would arrive here and be able to say this is what I actually want to do.
Where I am now, is where I am supposed to be.
Ask yourself what you can do and then ask yourself what is it you actually want to do. If they align with each other than you’re on the right path, if you find there is a conflict of interests, ask yourself what matters most to you and go from there. This was a bit of a brain dump kind of post, just a lot of what was on my mind but I hope it encourages clarity.