This post is a reminder for myself and I hope that it may remind others of the some of the things they may have learnt throughout the year. It’s important to reflect and speak on the good and the ugly in order to move forward.
– It’s Okay to be Selfish
Growing up as the older sibling, I had to work on being selfish to a point. I didn’t think anything of it, I thought it was just part of my duty as a older sibling to take on a certain level of responsibility. Then it became difficult to think about myself. This year I have said no more and taught myself to set my own boundaries to avoid resentment and burnout. Setting boundaries is key part of self care.
– Self Care is an Everyday Thing
The internet sometimes makes me think that all I need is a cup of tea in order to make me feel better. However where I am in my journey, I really have to make self care an everyday thing. We see people who at different stages in their journey, I’m currently in the not so cute stage, where choosing a therapist is daunting, stopping myself from self sabotaging is a daily practice and keeping myself from quitting my job without a backup is a constant battle.
Establishing where I am in my journey and accepting the steps I have to do in order to move forward are different to those around me. I cannot compare myself to someone who has done the work I haven’t even begun yet.
– Your Voice Matters
It’s a lot easier for me to say what I want to say on the internet, sometimes it feels a lot less personal. I’ve had to learn to take that same strength and use it to say what I want to say in my personal life.
This year time and time again has continued to show me that by saying nothing I am doing myself a disservice and in some ways self sabotaging. Using my voice to say what needs to be said has only shown me the light at the end of the tunnel, I just have to stop beating myself up about not doing it sooner. I am doing it now and that’s more than I was doing before.
– Trust Yourself
A lot of my life lessons from 2018 come back to the lack of value I put on myself. Which is sad to admit, but it’s the truth. When self belief is at a low, anything bad seems like a right of passage, I rarely question it or challenge it with anything positive, it seems a lot more realistic to let it be.
Trusting myself is a constant battle, I question my every thought and move. If I’m tired and have things to do it’s a fight between being lazy and listening to my body, I never know what to do and most of the time the fight in my head just wares me out to the point where anything seems like way too much.
I’ve had to trust my questioning, the fact that I’m questioning it or thinking about it so deeply means I’m trying to now convince myself of something that has already been decided. I learnt to trust my own feelings, thoughts and to question them when necessary.
– Self Awareness isn’t Enough
I have realized that most of the time when I push myself away from people or say that I don’t like someone for whatever reason I use at the time. I noticed that there is a mirror being held up to show me the parts of myself that I don’t like but refuse to acknowledge and change.
I’ve had to look at why I’m pushing myself away from people and I’ve had to ask myself what is it that I don’t like about someone? Turns out I don’t like certain things about myself, and it’s harder to ignore it when you see it in someone else, because we all know it’s easier to pick at others faults before our own.
This year has really taught me a lot about myself and that being self aware isn’t enough, I have to now act on what I’m aware of. I tricked myself into thinking I just need to be aware of my faults, but nope you have to actually work on it, otherwise it just continues to present itself in different ways.
I hope 2019 treats you all well! Have a blessed New Year peeps.