So I’ve just started reading a book by Iyanla Vanzant called The Value In The Valley: A Black Woman’s Guide Through Life’s Dilemmas.
I heard Ukafrolista speak about this book in this video and decided to buy it. I bought it back in October last year, but I’ve only just opened it up now.
Are You Really A Control Freak?
I would confidently call myself a control freak as if it was something to be proud of. I would feel as if wanting to be in control of anything and everything was a good thing. That’s was up until I started reading this book and I realised that being a control freak isn’t something that is just unique to me, but it’s actually something that a lot of black women encourage as part of their personality.
“Black women instinctively need to know everything, down to the most minute detail”.
“Black women love to be in control. We want to know what is coming, how it us coming, when it is coming, and whether it will wiggle or jiggle when it arrives”.
“Black women seem to have an insatiable appetite for helping and saving people. Of course, we cannot control them, we cannot save them. Many of us cannot control our mouths long enough to save ourselves from a bag of lay’s potato chips – we cannot have just one, but we want to save the world”.
“This is what most black women want:easy, effortless movement in and through our lives. It is most unfortunate that we usually get in the way of the very thing we want”.
“There was no way I could continue to dress up the stories I was telling myself about myself and everyone else”.
All these shockingly honest and scary quotes were the things Iyanla was saying in the introduction. Can you imagine I’m eighteen pages in and I’m already feeling like an emotional mess. I felt my heart racing whilst I was sitting on the train to work, hoping nobody noticed me slightly hyperventilating.
The idea of not actually having control over the things I thought I had control over is something my mind won’t really let me accept. I was open to learn from this book, but I was definitely thrown off when I was told that I don’t have the control I thought I did.
I can’t even begin to tell you how scary that is. Even though I was hesitant to believe that I don’t actually have any control, I did start to look at what I think I do have control over and I quickly realised that I honestly don’t have as much control as I’d like to think I have. In fact my only experience of being a control freak is wanting to be alone when I’m cooking.
It’s going to be difficult and very scary, but I cannot finish this book and be the same Saabirah I was when I started reading this book. I have to ask myself some honest and difficult questions and answer them honestly. I have to find out what it is that I need to do in order to be the best version of myself. I have to teach myself to be still, in order to actually figure out what it is I need to do next. I need to be honest with myself, and others. I need to do what makes me happy.
I’m only on the second chapter of this book and I’m definitely enjoying it, even though it is pretty intense. Thankyou for reading this post and I hope you liked it.
Have you read any of Iyanla Vanzant’s books?
What one should I read next?
Enjoy the rest of your week beautiful people.
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